I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
