So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
