Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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