call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
