Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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