I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
