I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
