Already got asked if we're dating
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
