i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
