I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
