Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
