she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
