Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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