I don't remember. Are we still dating?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
