We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
