its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize