K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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