I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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