Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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