Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
