At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize