I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
