we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
