I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
