I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
