Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
