Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
