Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
