why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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