My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize