So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
