I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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