You smell like stripper and shame
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
