...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
