Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
