Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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