Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
