Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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