well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
