Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
