Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
