We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
