mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
