I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
