He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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