She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
