i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize