Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
