can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
