new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize