OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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