Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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