i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
