I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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