some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
