You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
