it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
