I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
