it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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