is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
