you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
