Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
