can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you will always have a special place in my vag
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
