i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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