glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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