i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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