I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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