Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
