I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
