Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
