Hey man sorry I got all grabby
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize