if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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